Trying again

January 2009 comes around and the urge to have a baby is sitting on my like the weight of a ton of bricks. I've never in my life felt anything like this before. It was incredible. I tell Neal and he's on board for trying again. We started the next month in February. The next few months were grueling. We didn't get a positive pregnancy test until May 2009. I was so happy, until our first doctors appointment. I thought I was measuring further along, but the doctor told us I was 2 weeks behind but everything looked good. We saw the heartbeat on the monitor and was told to come back.

We went back a few weeks later and everything seemed to be just fine. The ultrasound showed a growing baby with a strong heart beat. We were told that things look great and to come back again in a few weeks.

On July 7th I had some red bleeding. I didn't know what to think. I was a mess. We went to the doctor and there was no heart beat. Again, my world came crashing down. I felt like I would never be a mom at this. I had a D&C scheduled for July 9 2009, just 8 months after I would lose my girls.

The doctor had testing done to see what caused the miscarriage. It was due to Trisomy 22. I did a lot of research on Trisomy and learned that it wasn't our fault. It's just something that happens and is the cause of most first trimester losses. This made me feel better. Not better about the fact that I lost a baby, but the fact that it was nothing specific to Neal or my genetics.

We both agreed though that some time away from trying would be good for us now.